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It's What's New in the Gay and Lesbian Arena

Why Being an Ex-Gay, or an Ex-Lesbian, is a Ridiculous Concept

You probably already know why being an ex- gay/lesbian is ridiculous! As a gay male or lesbian you know that being gay is not a choice. There isn't a little light switch in our body where we can flick on the gay switch and then turn it back to straight at our whim, although I could name you many gay people who have wished that were true (to avoid the brutality being gay can perpetuate in the form of verbal and physical harassment).

So, what is the ex-gay movement all about? The whole battle stems over the apparent conflict between Christianity and Homosexuality. Many Christian groups believe gays and lesbians cannot have it both ways. They simply cannot be Christian and still be a homosexual. To help homosexuals move away from their 'deviation from the Lord' the Christian movement has had different groups that profess success in making people ex-gays.

One of the major problems with the ex-gay movement, which uses the slogan, 'Freedom from Homosexuality', is that there is no way to measure the true success of such groups. While ex-gay group A claims they have a 50% success rate, and group B claims they have a 70% success rate, there is little proof showing that the people that are now ex- gays/lesbians actually were gay/lesbian to begin with.

On every website for these ministries (and other groups that are geared toward ridding people of their abominable homosexual ways), there are testimonials that profess how Jane Doe was a lesbian but Jesus saved her from her inner demons. John Doe, a promiscuous male in his youth, who had sexual relations with over 250 different males, found Jesus Christ when he turned 27 and now he is gay-free. He now has one wife; seven children; a pit-bull named Rolf; a cat; hamster; and parakeet; and is the head minister for his group - where he spreads the word of Jesus, and shares his story to help struggling homosexuals to become ex-gays like him.

Now, you have to look a little bit further into Jane Doe and John Doe's belief in why they were gay. Every single one of the ex- gays/lesbians fits into one of these groups, or believes their homosexuality was caused for these reasons:

· They were raped or sexually molested for years
· They were lonely and craved male/female intimacy but not sexual intimacy
· Their father/mother didn't show them how to be a male/female so they wanted to be the opposite gender and that made them gay/lesbian
· They didn't have a father/mother so they had no role model
· They were in an opposite gender relationship but their 'lover' broke their hearts so they became man/woman haters as a result. This made them gay/lesbian and then they converted back to their straight ways after finding Jesus

Let's examine the first claim. Jane Doe was molested for years. Nearly everyone I know was raped, molested, abused, or messed with in some form in their youth. Some of these individuals are straight, and some of them are gay. Their molestation did not dictate their sexual orientation. So, what makes Jane Doe special?

Perhaps it was Jane's own inner demons. Knowing the lesbian community like I do I can say that perhaps Jane found acceptance in the lesbian community for the first time. It was the one place she wouldn't have to face the haunting of her molestation. Of course, like all ex-lesbians Jane Doe makes it clear that she was with women as a result, but she did not enjoy herself. Something never felt right. This is a major sign that Jane Doe was never a lesbian to begin with. Every gay/lesbian person I know has clearly stated that their attraction to the same-sex has always felt right. Nothing else ever did.

So, Jane Doe meets a Christian who was struggling like she was. This person saved Jane by introducing her to a group that could help make Jane an ex-lesbian. The road was long and arduous, but Jane conquered her molestation as well as her homosexuality. Thanks to God and Jesus, Jane Doe is free of her homosexuality and all of her other inner demons.

Now let's move on to John. John's father was a shy, introverted man. While he never harmed his son he wasn't one to shower him with affection either. John Doe's mom was the breadwinner in the family. It is clear she wore the pants while John's father stayed home tending to the children. John's father was an expert chef with amazing baking skills. He also enjoyed keeping the house tidy and made sure all of his children did their homework.

John wanted to be on the football team but he just didn't have what it took. He was a skinny, dorky boy who was also shy and introverted. As a result he turned to a life of deviation. John smoked pot and though he never had sex with men he always wanted to be close to men he thought were attractive.

John liked strong, masculine men and he craved their companionship, but he never could bring himself to have sex with them. It never felt right for him. Instead, he fantasized about them loving on him, pampering him, and taking care of him. Then, one day, Jesus spoke to him. Jesus told him to seek help and he did. For the first time, John was able to admit he was a homosexual out loud and that he didn't want to be one. Through the help of his new Christian group he has become a model straight individual. The Lord helped John because he had a sickness that could only be stopped through His grace and mercy. Now John no longer fears burning in hell for all of eternity.

This doesn't speak of being gay. These men and women are the only people who chose to call themselves gay and for them it was a choice. True homosexuality is not a choice. The Christian movement that is trying to brainwash true gays and lesbians into becoming straight is not helping them. In fact, the only studies that have been done in relation to ex-gays by the American Psychological Association shows that those who were struggling (truly struggling) with their homosexuality and tried to become an ex- gay/lesbian have endured both psychological and mental trauma as a result of these Christian programs. In effect, these individuals are no longer a part of the group. They have their own group: the ex-ex-gays.

For other ex-ex-gays the scarring they endured was too unbearable. As a result the rise in suicides among ex-ex-gays is high. Some ex-gays have found acceptance while others cannot bear to be who they are so suicide was the only viable option. This of course, occurred after months and even years of struggling with their faith. They feared disappointing God. They tried to do everything asked of them. They had faith and still there was no change.

The response from the Christian movement to their non-conversion was always the ex-ex-gays fault. They lacked faith, they lacked motivation, or they did not try hard enough. Eventually the mental torment these groups had put homosexuals through was too much, and the ex-ex-gays ended their misery the only way they knew how.

There have been high profile cases of ex-gays turning to an ex-ex-gay status after professing they were healed. One such case is that of Michael Johnston, the founder of Kerusso Ministries. Johnston, who is HIV positive, had sex with at least two men he met online while maintaining his straight façade. He was part of a 1998 ad campaign that claimed Jesus Christ had led him down the path to heterosexuality. He was one of the most respected leaders of the ex-gay movement until this scandal broke out.

Of course, Johnston is not alone. Another gay leader involved in the same campaign, John Paulk, was spotted in a gay hang out in Washington D.C. without his former lesbian wife, Anne Paulk. John hasn't stepped down, though he was demoted from his positions, which included work at Focus on the Family (with James Dobson - who oddly enough was the only one who did not demote John. Instead he supported him) as well. However, the most ironic case of ex-gays becoming ex-ex-gays is that of Gary Cooper and Michael Bussee. These two ex-gays who organized a conference in 1976 which helped form one of the biggest ex-gay organizations in the nation, Exodus International, ended up falling in love. They are now ex-ex-gays who left their wives to be together.

If anything is clear about the ex-gay movement it is that reparative therapy does not work. It is time the Christian world realizes that being gay is something that cannot change in a person because it is not a choice, no more than being heterosexual is a choice. If you are struggling with your homosexuality, and are looking to an ex-gay ministry, please reconsider your options. Try renting, "But I'm a Cheerleader" instead. In the end, it costs a lot less money and you'll be spending less time in therapy as a result.